Zirkle Set to Debate Himself

Tony HVFVGPD Zirkle, a Republican candidate for Congress in Indiana’s 2nd District, recently spent an hour and a half debating with fellow Republican candidate Joe Roush before an audience of 6 citizens. One of those audience members was Republican congressional candidate Luke Puckett’s campaign manager. It is unclear at this time if that figure also includes the South Bend Tribune reporter who must have had a falling out with management to get an assignment like that.

Today comes the news that Roush, a low budget candidate who advocates the elimination of the Federal Reserve system, will not be joining Zirkle, who has made insulting racial remarks, for any more debates. This has not deterred Mr. Zirkle at all since he has scheduled at least one more debate to take place at the Logansport High School. Since he will not be facing any opposition, it is presumed that he will debate with himself.

One interesting point about Zirkle’s candidacy is his strange choice of a middle name to appear on the May 6th ballot. The unpronounceable word “HVFVGPD” will show up between his first name and his last name. According to Zirkle, the word is “a mystery, wrapped in an enigma and couched in a riddle.” In a Hoosier Access exclusive, I heave learned from an un-named source what these letters mean.

(Find out what the letters mean below the fold.)

A source not connected to the Zirkle campaign, but who has confirmed with Mr. Zirkle the meaning of the letters, has revealed that they stand for “Homeless Vet Fluke Versus The Great Porn Dragon.” No word on how that phrase applies to the campaign or the issues that are of meaningful importance to 2nd District citizens.

It would appear that a candidate who prefers to develop creative mind puzzlers is better qualified to take a Mensa test than run for Congress. While word games are interesting, in the real world of policy they offer no solutions for the issues that are important to many citizens. This race should be about common sense solutions and not tricky puzzles.